No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
