Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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