So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
