You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
