they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
