he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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