dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize