i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
