all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
