I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
