I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
