I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
