You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
