just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
