I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
