i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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