I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
