mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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