we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
