Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
