Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize