It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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