You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
