All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I love you. Go after that dick
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