So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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