I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize