Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
