It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
