youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize