I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
