what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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