The maid of honor just puked.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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