I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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