Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
