i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
