i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
