So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
