The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Hippo gnu deer
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
