So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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