went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
