Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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