Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
