The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
