how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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