I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
