I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
