Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
