I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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