I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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