I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize