My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
