Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
