Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
