tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
