The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Let's get the cat blown out
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize