So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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