You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
