I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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