I hope mine doesn't look like that
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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