You just made me feel so damn special
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
