No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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