If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
