Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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