There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
