Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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