he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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