i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
