someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
