Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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