Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
