she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
