Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize