drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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