You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
