Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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