Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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