remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
