last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
