Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
