Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
