Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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