Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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