ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
