I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
