I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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