cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
