PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
