So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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