I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
