Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
