I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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