She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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