Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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