You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize