Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
