This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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